From rat race to jungle: adventures in wonderland

Charting the adventures of a twenty something, leaving the 'better the devil you know' of London, and heading out to rural ayrshire for six months to live with boyfriend, before jetting to central america, for a 4 month expedition in the jungle.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Musings at 6 months pregnant

So, I'm now 26 weeks pregnant with our third child and starting to feel like someone is pushing a giant ball into my tummy, squashing everything inside and giving me back ache.  Up until now I have had absolutely no complaints, even my insomnia has been tamed by Maggie Howell's Pregnancy Relaxation CD.

My first 6 months of pregnancy have not been relaxed or allowed for 'down time', 'me time' or 'any flipping time', which I put down to being freelance and working every spare second that I have, inclduing evenings and weekends.  When I'm not earning-money-working, I am being-a-mum-working, looking after my 4.5 year old and 3 year old boys.  Last week it all caught up on me a little and I had one of those weeks when I had no evenings to myself (working every night) and then my two days 'off', were filled with being on playgroup duty, hosting playdates, mass batch cooking for weekend visitors and generally running around like a headless chicken.  I realised I'd reached a low point when I had to replace some shortcrust pastry which I'd accidentally dropped onto the floor when I took it out of the aga, with the scrunched up ball which I'd thrown into the bin.  Who cares, I thought, it's going to cook at a million degrees anyhow, all the bugs from the dog hair / chicken stock remains and cat vomit from the bin will just vaporise. Ha.

I'm now at the stage of pregnancy when I feel pretty large, but know I'm going to get much larger and simple things like walking past people, going through doors etc inevitably leads to bumps and bangs, knocks and blows as my centre of gravity pulls me in odd directions.  So, I was interested to see what all this fuss about Rhianna's 'Pour it Up' video was about (I'm about a week out of date - it had been on the news last week) and I wanted to see just how sexualised she had made it (and how *perfect* her never-been-pregnant body is).  Other than being very impressed with her burlesque-style nipple clamps which managed to stay on despite all the humping she was doing, the video seemed to be taking the piss out of African dictators more than anything else.  She's alone (dictators are paranoid and don't trust anyone, ipso facto are alone) in a dark room, which for some reason has a fair bit of water in it, wearing a white wig and polaroid sunglasses.  These definitely make her look like a dictator.  She is then stuffing dollars (US denomination) down her thong.  I'm not sure whether dictators have a preference for thongs or perhaps they like the M&S briefs that are slightly more comfortable, but the money stuffing was another allusion to corruption and prostitution.  She then managed in between money stuffing and mouthing the words 'pour it up' whilst licking her lips, to lie upside down on her big chair and dry hump thin air with her legs split open.  This strikes me as a brilliant way to ensure I can get the baby to lie in the correct position for birth - my first child was a back to back delivery which was an experience I never want to repeat.  So, as soon as the sonographer tells me my placenta praevia has moved up, I'm going to be re-enacting RhiRhi's Pour it Up video big time (maybe minus the polaroids, I hope my Bloc sunglasses have the same effect).  My husband can spray me with the garden hosepipe so I am nice and wet and I'll add to the drama by spinning around on my black faux-leather Ikea office chair.  Watch this space peeps.


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