The loss of TMcK and the start of BlueFish

When I first got engaged, I was on the phone talking to a good friend who said something along the lines of 'just because you're engaged, it doesn't mean bad things won't happen to you. Life still sucks from time to time. Don't think you're immune from all that now" And I replied "My life is amazing! What on earth are you talking about? What can possibly happen to me?" And with that, the humms of fate started contriving to point out my arrogance and naivity.

A week later, I lost my job.

Aha, I thought. This is what Warbs was on about.

And so, that was the end of my seemingly amazing job at Taylor McKenzie. It had been a little too good to be true - to start freelancing there when I moved up from London, head off for 4 months to build medical shelters in the depths of the jungle, miles from the nearest latte or telephone, trek 300km through searing heat, build a community centre in war torn Nicaragua, and come back to a promotion at Taylor McKenzie where my role was to build the business, project manage, do a bit of training, lots of networking and schmoozing, play hard ball to suppliers, sweetie pie to clients, and generally, have a fab time. Sadly, it appears, things weren't very well thought out prior to my return from Central America and I was apparently (evidently) an unaffordable luxory.

So, a week into being engaged, I was jobless and back to where I was a year ago. Living in the sticks, with a dog, now some hens (though one got nailed by a fox a week ago) some ducks, and lots of grazing sheep. The plusses - well, I have a man I know loves me enough to look after me through thick and thin, (which counts for a lot!) I have a wardrobe better equipped for country living than I did a year ago; ,I can now locate the butcher, baker and candlestick maker with ease, I am on good terms with the vet and the people who sell chicken feed, I am no longer the source of hot gossip as someone 'living in sin' locally, I know a few people I can call for a game of tennis, a drink in the pub (the award winning Failford Inn - only a 15 min walk away) and I have got my itchy feet well under control. The minuses include the despair at being told you are not needed at work anymore, (whatever the reasons, it's not nice), the realisation that I do live in the middle of nowhere, miles from the madding crowd, and the fact that now that I'm engaged, I'd like to be surrounded by my girlfriends, for long shopping sprees, champagne fuelled wedding dress shopping, oooohs and aahhhhhs over my engagement ring etc, but, sadly, none of this is open to me.

I think anyone would feel a bit glum at losing their job, and I know getting engaged is a major event for any girl. I know of one girl who was taken to her bed for 3 days on saying 'yes', through the sheer enormity on the direction she had just let her life take her. So, both happening within a week set me on a roller coaster of emotions that even a psychiatrist in a secure mental hospital would have had a task to deal with. Not quite the start to a blissful life together, Hugo had imagined when he popped the question to me.

Generally, I would say I am a positive person, full of energy, motivation, enthusiasm, a risk taker, a practical joker, a social bunny. I realise however, that these attributes are not to be depended upon. I love where we live, but suddenly, faced with being there 24 hours a day without respite...I hated it. I love Scotland, but suddenly, faced with the loss of my job, the lack of my good friends near me...I didn't want it. I love the great outdoors, but suddenly, with all the time in the world, I shrank into the house and rarely ventured outside. I became very glum indeed. I am definitely my worst enemy when I am bored.

A trip to London to see friends and ten days later, (and back to being a full time freelancer albeit with not a lot to freelance for), fate tinckled her whisper once more and the gods took pity on me. From nowhere, I won a qualitative market research project, which more than anything I knew would keep me busy for a few weeks and would allow me to gather my thoughts on job hunting at the same time. To sound more official, I toyed with the idea of giving myself an Association name, but thought this too banal and unadventurous. Remembering a soft toy I was once sent years ago, I decided upon BlueFish Research. So, that's who I am. I'm BlueFish Research and I do market research. How cool to be able to be able to do that. The project is nearly over now - altogether it will have been a 5 weeks and it has worked really well - business trips to Leeds / London / Oxfordshire which have been fun (and a great opportunity to see friends), and because I am the boss of me, I've had time to have a few interviews / informal coffees in the meantime which have allowed me to see what's out there.

I've no idea what next - which jobs to go for, who will offer me a job, if anyone does, or whether to grow BlueFish, whether to finally submit my children's book "Eva and the Crocodile" to a publisher, or what. I think the plan at the moment is to do everything. Hell, I might even sign up to the Amsterdam marathon whilst I'm at it!

The funny thing is how when you are younger, you assume you'll have it all figured out when you are in your late twenties. I thought when I was about 17 that by the time I was 26, I'd be married with a baby. I think part of growing up is realising that you don't always get what you want, but as the Rolling Stones said 'you always get what you need'. Perhaps losing TMcK was the only way for me to establish BlueFish and become an award winning market researcher, taking on the whole of Scotland, becoming businesswoman of the year! Or perhaps, losing TMcK has just opened a whole load more doors for a fantastic career working for an ad agency, a publisher, as an MP...maybe sometimes, we need something seeminly awful to happen, before we realise our full potential. Maybe, just maybe, I'm back to being positive, motivated, enthusiastic me again. We shall see...watch this space.