More pregnant than I have ever been

Today I hit a milestone - I am now more pregnant than I have ever been with my previous two pregnancies.  And do you know what?  I feel ok about it. 

It's hardly a breeze having to cope with my legs collapsing beneath me, the cervical stabbing pain which stops me in my tracks, the ridiculous alien-esque kicks with whole feet seemingly attempting to rip their way through my ribs, the acid heartburn that wakes me up every night, the agressive night-sweats, the impossibility of turning over in bed and the consequence of acheingly sore hips or the anxiety that accompanies going anywhere now, for fear that my waters might just burst all over the supermarket/chemist/garage/nursery school/friends sitting room floor and I will start contracting every 3 minutes with no possibility of getting home.  But it's cool.  I don't mind.  I am calm.  This little person will come out when ready, and in the meantime I may as well enjoy some peace (i.e. completing my tax return/batch cooking for the freezer/scrubbing the house from top to bottom/doing my kegels) as I am more than aware that in maximum 2.5 weeks time (the longest I'll be allowed to go overdue), I'll have a screaming, squirming, squidgy baby in my arms and a belly like a slowly deflating Michellin man. 

I do veer from complete acceptance and anticipation of a home birth, and complete fear and panic that it is the most ridiculous idea ever and at the first sign of a contraction I'll be high-tailing it to the hospital.  I'd like to think that the shot of diamophine (pure heroin) that is in my kitchen cupboard will take the edge off that fear.   My local friendly chemist told me the other day that it has a very high street value as it's so pure, and almost seemed to be encouraging me to cut it up and sell it on.  Must be good.  So, at my hands are: a TENS machine (which is impossible for me to put on by myself as it needs to get taped onto my back...so we will have slight issues if labour kicks off in the day time and Hugo is at work), a shot of pure heroin (again, completely useless unless the midwives get here as it needs to be mixed with purified water (or something)) and hopefully enough hot water if I remember to turn the immersion on.  Oh, and 1 hrs worth of gas and air.  I have an extremely low pain threshold so this is going to be interesting. 

It would be quite cool if it was born tomorrow: 14.1.14 - that would be a great birth date and make up somewhat for the disadvantage of being born in January, so close to Christmas.   But I'm not holding my breath.