Not Parsley, but Rosemary

Who needs a wild social life when in Ayrshire we have cookery demonstrations by Rosemary Shrager? The very same large and outspoken, constantly encouraging, reassuring and apologising chef appears this Thursday on Ladette to Lady as one of the 'tutors'.

As a fundraiser for the Game Conservancy Association, Rosemary was in Ayrshire to do a marathon session of cooking five courses of game in 60 minutes. When we got there, the room was mostly empty and being generally quite chatty I thought I'd go and have a chat with our mini-celeb. Soon the conversation moved on from basting partridge to more exciting thigs, such as her recent TV experiences. I asked whether she enjoyed being part of the transformation process of these sturdy ladettes.

"It's all about being a ladyeee" she replied, in a manner not disimilar to the strange people of Little Britain.

"It's not about a bit of smack and hairspray, it has to come from within"

Aha

So, later on, when poor old Mikey from the studio audience was called up under the 100 degree lamps to help stir and dice the game, we all practically inhaled our one freebie glass of wine when Rosemary asked Mickey to:

"sear off my breasts" (referring to the pheasent)

And Donna, the apparently pole-dancing sous-chef blushed into her basting lentils and looked like she wished she could be a million miles away.

All in all, a cracking evening and I even managed to get my first chat up line as I was queueing for one of Rosemary's books.

"I can't think what to ask you to write!" I sighed, all english and concerned

"Harumph", Rosemary laughed from across the table, in an encouraging way.

"You don't sound like you're from Scotland" an English male voice said.

I looked up. A suit was grinning at me as I was squatting down, scribbling my dedication from Rosemary into an old menu page I'd found under a table. His eyes twinkled as the pores on his face seemed to grow like saucepans on the moon.

"Well, that's because I'm from London" I replied, with a smile.

As I went back to my inspiring dedication, a thought struck me! I was being chatted up! I had better concentrate - it's been such a long time, I couldn't miss an opportunity like this!

Sadly, the whole thing was over before you could say "boil my lobster!" as the suit asked what I was doing in Ayrshire (like it's the most awful place for a Londoner to find herself, surrounded by hills, sheep and Scots)

I pointed at Hugo and said I'd moved up to be with my boyfriend before going away to Central America.

At this point, the suit lost all interest (not surprisingly) and he stepped away from me quickly. Still, clearly determined to get the last word, he belted out as he staggered away, "I've been to Argentina. Lots"

Which is like saying to someone who lives in Paris, that you go to Kuwait. Lots. Helpful.

Anyhow, I nodded appreciatively and politely as he tripped himeself away and I congratulated myself on my first chat up line since I moved to Scotland.

Definitely worth a mention on this blog.

As for tomorrow night, it's Book Club! This is Ayrshire's version of Desperate (rural) Housewives and is a truly competitive and joyful evening. We're reading 'The Bonesetter's Daughter' by Amy Tan - one of those books I always think I should read but invariably push aside in favour of something else, something more jazzy. Anyhow, it's surprised me as it's a great read but I've still got a chapter to go so I'm off to bed.

As for a social life - although I can still only count the number of people I'd call in a crisis on one hand, it's picking up and it's been good fun and I'm looking forward to lots more mad evenings and weekends up here.

Four months in, Ayrshire 1, London 0.