The philosophising of children

I've been inspired to write today because I keep reading angry articles by people who think and feel that the whole world is against them, just because they are different.  In today's world where in the UK we are all basically liberals (compared to say, Mauritania, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia and UAE where capital punishment is applied if you are gay, or sometimes if you are even suspected of it...) it is great that we can bring our children up to be more open minded and accepting than might have been possible for us. 

However, as much as I feel for people who are in the journey of being transgender and born in the wrong body, I really don't think it's as easy as ABC to explain to naturally curious children how or why this happens.  My children are obviously too little to be relevant to this (aged 4 and 2), but my tentative explanations of life and the universe with my eldest, has already had me (a very open person) completely muddled up and increasingly aware of the complications our parents suffered before us, in how to make something complicated sound simple, without opening up another million 'why?'s. 

For instance, on where babies come from.  Something I had been looking forward to talking to my children about, as and when they asked.  I would not be the flustered blushing fool trying to change the subject, I would be open, direct and honest.  However I hadn't reckoned on the very literal thinking process of my then 3 year old.  Following my comment that such and such an event had occurred before he was even a twinkle in my eye, replied: "When was I a twinkle in your eye mummy?" (Easy! I thought) "When Mummy and Daddy wanted to have you, you became a twinkle in my eye sweetheart" Without missing a beat he said "but how did I get from your eye into your tummy?" "Erm, it's two different things honey, a twinkle in my eye is when we wanted to have you but then daddy had to do a special dance (SPECIAL DANCE?! what was I going on about now?) with mumy to get his seed into her tummy".   Oh god, can firmly opened.  He replied, furrowing his perfect brow "but how does he get his seed into her tummy?"  "It comes out of his willy, that's why you boys have willies" "Does he put it into your tummy button?"  Seeing a possible exit here I replied "well, sort of...anyhow how about a chocolate biscuit?" and I was relieved when the distraction worked and we moved onto a different topic.  So, in the same way as a million other parents before me, I had failed.  It's not that I find the truth of it awkward, and we are the sort of parents who wander about naked in the house (not all the time, just getting up, going to bed, bathtime!) but still, explaining the birds and the bees was definitely not easy with such a literal child.  I now understand that metaphors do not work.

But going back to transgender issues - I am really happy to talk about it with my kids if they ask, if their primary school teachers change gender or of any of their friends parents go through the process, but is it going to be simple?  Is it going to be understandable?  Is it going to be non-threatening or frightening to them?  I'm not so sure!  Given the insatiable curiosity of children coupled with their perception that everything adults tell them is the truth of the matter, we have an enormous responsibility to ensure they don't lose their trust or understanding of the world through our casual, flippant or biased opinions about it.  Central to their judgement and understanding, is the way we parents and adults present things, (one of the best pieces of parenting advice I've been given is that children don't understand sarcasm - but honour sincerity, and it is so true). So I guess the answer is to be sincere, light hearted, open and also hope hope hope that by the time you are discussing these concepts, they are old enough to understand.