Not Parsley, but Rosemary

Who needs a wild social life when in Ayrshire we have cookery demonstrations by Rosemary Shrager? The very same large and outspoken, constantly encouraging, reassuring and apologising chef appears this Thursday on Ladette to Lady as one of the 'tutors'.

As a fundraiser for the Game Conservancy Association, Rosemary was in Ayrshire to do a marathon session of cooking five courses of game in 60 minutes. When we got there, the room was mostly empty and being generally quite chatty I thought I'd go and have a chat with our mini-celeb. Soon the conversation moved on from basting partridge to more exciting thigs, such as her recent TV experiences. I asked whether she enjoyed being part of the transformation process of these sturdy ladettes.

"It's all about being a ladyeee" she replied, in a manner not disimilar to the strange people of Little Britain.

"It's not about a bit of smack and hairspray, it has to come from within"

Aha

So, later on, when poor old Mikey from the studio audience was called up under the 100 degree lamps to help stir and dice the game, we all practically inhaled our one freebie glass of wine when Rosemary asked Mickey to:

"sear off my breasts" (referring to the pheasent)

And Donna, the apparently pole-dancing sous-chef blushed into her basting lentils and looked like she wished she could be a million miles away.

All in all, a cracking evening and I even managed to get my first chat up line as I was queueing for one of Rosemary's books.

"I can't think what to ask you to write!" I sighed, all english and concerned

"Harumph", Rosemary laughed from across the table, in an encouraging way.

"You don't sound like you're from Scotland" an English male voice said.

I looked up. A suit was grinning at me as I was squatting down, scribbling my dedication from Rosemary into an old menu page I'd found under a table. His eyes twinkled as the pores on his face seemed to grow like saucepans on the moon.

"Well, that's because I'm from London" I replied, with a smile.

As I went back to my inspiring dedication, a thought struck me! I was being chatted up! I had better concentrate - it's been such a long time, I couldn't miss an opportunity like this!

Sadly, the whole thing was over before you could say "boil my lobster!" as the suit asked what I was doing in Ayrshire (like it's the most awful place for a Londoner to find herself, surrounded by hills, sheep and Scots)

I pointed at Hugo and said I'd moved up to be with my boyfriend before going away to Central America.

At this point, the suit lost all interest (not surprisingly) and he stepped away from me quickly. Still, clearly determined to get the last word, he belted out as he staggered away, "I've been to Argentina. Lots"

Which is like saying to someone who lives in Paris, that you go to Kuwait. Lots. Helpful.

Anyhow, I nodded appreciatively and politely as he tripped himeself away and I congratulated myself on my first chat up line since I moved to Scotland.

Definitely worth a mention on this blog.

As for tomorrow night, it's Book Club! This is Ayrshire's version of Desperate (rural) Housewives and is a truly competitive and joyful evening. We're reading 'The Bonesetter's Daughter' by Amy Tan - one of those books I always think I should read but invariably push aside in favour of something else, something more jazzy. Anyhow, it's surprised me as it's a great read but I've still got a chapter to go so I'm off to bed.

As for a social life - although I can still only count the number of people I'd call in a crisis on one hand, it's picking up and it's been good fun and I'm looking forward to lots more mad evenings and weekends up here.

Four months in, Ayrshire 1, London 0.

Fundraising Success and Arrival of Passport!

The wine and cheese fundraiser was a huge success - we had over 60 people attending, the flowers looked absolutely amazing, the artwork was fantastic (and together these transformed the room we were using) and the wine and cheese/nibbles were plentiful and delicious. And, almost most importantly for me, we managed to raise over £1400 for Raleigh International!! Hurrah! That's my fundraising over and done with - woooo hoooo! So, thanks very much to Savills who hosted the event, and to the Savills Ayr office in particular who were all simply the best. Now all I need to do is find £650 to pay for the rest of my flights by the end of the month. I think my freelancing work for my London client will cover that but this depends on them paying me within the next couple of weeks (never a given).

AND, a rattity rattity tat at the door this morning at half eight . "Half eight?" I snorted to myself as I stomped to the front door (we don't have a letter box so the postie always leaves our post in the barn adjacent to the house), swung open the door, and there was a blue eyed weegee who said "Miss Alice L M M Ferrero?"

I blinked away the sleep from my eyes and wondered whether to be cross at this early Saturday morning invasion. Then it dawned on me.
"ARGH, you've got my passport?"

And so it became, that I am the proudest owner ever of a spanking new biometric passport, which has lovely pictures of birds (flight - freedom etc) on each page. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing that this piece of Queen's property has an actual antenna inside it (all coiled up on the back of the photo page) - presumably I can be tracked at all times by a satelite?? (Come to think about it, this is quite useful for when I've been kidnapped by drug runners in Central America) Anyhow, it's all rather big brotherish and not something I agree with or would vote for, but at least it's brand new and I can now travel without being arrested for posessing an invalid passport.

Week 2 of the Parsley Experiment

It's coming to the end of Week 2, and the parsley is really going for it. Below, I have pasted documentary evidence of the Parsley Situation. My original plan was to plant parsley in different ways and to see which works the best - from snug n'warm pots to the exposed. I am begining to feel some sort of amazing conclusion unravel within me which I think can be applied to all living creatures as a result of how my parsley fares.

NB: Through stern observation, I've added the hypothesis that Parsley doesn't like being watered too much. Nor does coriander. My coriander is all dead.

Week 2

Pot 1,2,3 or 4: exposed

Without support, these little weaklings have no strength to carry on. Their leaves (can you call them leaves?) are too heavy for their weak little stems. NB they are ridden of their anaemic look, however they are limited in number and will certainly not make a healthy pot of parsley for me.

Pot 2: pot within a mug

Goodness me! What is this? A plethora of healthy stems itching to grow the fastest and get the most sun! What a competitive bunch. This pot is practically a microcosm of a jungle. I think I even saw a bug inside the cup. So far, so good. But what about the jamjar pot that I mentioned last time?

Pot 3: pot within a taller jamjar

Note the confusion - the panic, the scramble to get out of the top of the jamjar. Each, in his fear of being dragged back down to the earthy pit, has wrapped his long stem around the next - thus all are tangled, and all will fail.

Disaster!

As I sit here in Go Ape Operations HQ, the dying light of day sending a warm orange glow across the fields and through my window, harps on classic FM tinkling and Hinba asleep in front of the gas burner, it is with great sadness that I announce my resignation from the Jedburgh half marathon in 2 weekends time.

Following a cross country training run (7 miles) on Sunday, not only did I end up with a nosebleed, but I also really hurt my knee.

Whether it was the large amount of wine/vodka/port etc consumed the night before, or the fact that I didn't warm up properly to begin with, who knows. The fact is I couldn't bend my right leg for 24 hours without feeling queasy and by the time I manage to train on it again, I'll only have a few days before the race.

If I go ahead and do it, I risk hurting it properly which would be a silly thing to do before going away for 4 months - it's bad enough having wierd spurs growing out of the back of my heels - see photo

Anyhow, it's the wine and cheese evening tomorrow night and FINGERS CROSSED it's all under control. I spent £30 on dark chocolate today to go with the cognac that Moet Hennessy is donating for the event, and I must say, it all looks rather good. I am not going to tempt the gods though by assuming it's all going to be fine, so I'll carry on thinking it's going to be a massive disaster and perhaps I'll be able to write a glowing post-event summary towards the end of the week.

Other update:

Still no sign of passport.

Feisty letter sent to bank today, (trying to reclaim that £600 of 'penalties').

Deposit placed on flights.

Still to do:

Dental check-up(quite tricky finding a dentist willing to take new patients on though)

Ditto doctor for vaccinations

Find £££ hidden in forgotten account to pay the outstanding amount on my flights

CRB form (which dependant on getting my passport back as I need the number)

Parsley and Passports

Lots has been going on these past few days. Of notable interest, has been my parsley-growing experiment. Not to be mocked, this is of massive scientific interest. Finding myself in a defiant mood one day, I ignored the instructions on the back of the packet and decided to sow the seeds in late September, mainly out of interest to see whether herbs really are seasonal or not. As I only own those decomposable pots that are supposed to be planted outside, I decided to experiment with other household containers...and herein lies the thrill of my experiment. I thought I'd post weekly photos of the speed of growth to demonstrate the best growing conditions for parsley seeds, in a damp country in the autumn.

Week 1 photos


1. Pot numbers 1-4: exposed
Note the stunted growth, the spores growing in the soil and the rather yellow stems. Interesting...

2. Pot n.2: pot within a mug
Note the thriving healthy stems simply thrusting themselves skyward! The enthusiasm of these little beauties warms my heart

Pot 3 is growing within a jam jar that is about 3 inches higher than the top of the brown pot, and although there is no photographic evidence yet, it may fascinate you to know that the stems are growing rather chaotically, twisting around each other and seemingly confused about the right direction to point at.

My hypothesis at this early stage is therefore to ignore the words on packets of seeds and plant away so long as you give them a nice coffee mug to grow in.

3 years of university were definitely not wasted on me.

In between racing back and forth through country lanes to Go Ape Operations HQ, I have also been a frequent and frustrated visitor at the local post office, where the old dears have helped me try to interpret the hundred-and-one regulations and documents that a Brit whose parents were born abroad and whose passport is totally damaged, has to produce.

Passport prices went up on Thursday last week from £51 - £76 and so the whole of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I was digging through old folders, trying to persuade someone to countersign section 10 and find my blasted birth certificate (a very helpful service if you ever need a replacement is through each town/city council website - I would put a link but it wouldn't be helpful to anyone born outside of Edinburgh - anyhow, it's £25 for next day delivery). Anyhow, it went off and I'm nervously awaiting my new one as I have a flight to London in 2 weeks time.

I have also booked my flights to Costa Rica (WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!), and so the concept of being in Central America is becoming all the more concrete and I am starting to cast my eye about for trekking / jungle bits and bobs. I'm not sure I am ready to go with the "to save money, but to have an extra culinary treat, just fill an old camera film case with salt" but I'm definitely up for anything that helps me sleep in a jungle where I'm more than likely to come across 15 foot anacondas slithering underneath my hammock in the mornings, and spitting green poisonous toads.

And, as for fundraising - only £700 left to go, and hopefully the wine and cheese evening we're running next week will help towards that. And if it does, I'm quite tempted to forget the whole idea of the half marathon dressed as a giant spider and spend the morning shopping in Tiso instead.

Dilemmas. Where would I be without them?

In a convertible with a six foot Scottish Deer Hound

If you ever want to feel like you are hanging onto the giant dog in the Neverending Story, come to Scotland and meet Tilly! This was taken whilst seeing Edinburgh in style on Saturday, an awesome day.

My rural-going-mad crisis is over. Five days in cities with mad dogs and Scottish men/women (PEOPLE!!) has cured me of all morose dark, wet and cold gloom. That, and the fact that the Lovely Hugo has finally, to my utter joy and pleasure, turned the heating on.